I'm not afraid to admit.

Monday Morning Meeting: June 2nd, 2025.

Happy Monday my beautiful friends! I am writing this to you early on this Monday morning with my cup of coffee. I hope you sat in some sunshine this past weekend and did something just for you. If not, put it on the calendar for yourself. A walk with an audiobook? An outing to get your nails done or go get lunch with a friend? We have to take moments just for ourselves. It’s something I have to remind myself of often, because I want to be there every second with my little guy. But sometimes, we just need the sun on our face and a zone out moment with a playlist by ourselves. If you’re a new Mom like me, I want you to physically book it for yourself. Put it on the family calendar. As a dear friend reminded me yesterday, no human is meant to work a job 24/7.

This week, I saw the trend on social media where it’s like: “I’m [fill in the blank] and I’m not afraid to admit…” and SO MANY of them were about new motherhood. Granted, the mythical algorithm is certainly pushing motherhood content my way across all social media platforms right now.

It got me thinking about all the things that go on in the inner workings of our brains as new Moms. The quiet pieces of our hearts that we are afraid to voice out loud for fear of judgment or criticism. Especially for those of us in a season of being the default parent, the one at home with our quiet minds and our loud children for the entire day, the internal dialogue becomes even more internal than ever before.

So much of my working life was based in judgment and criticism. The rewards and the spoils were directly correlated to my performance. Say yes to all the extra hours and days at work with no incentive? Might mean you’re in line for a promotion if you keep your head down long enough. Knock on the scariest door and get the accused murderer’s Mom interview? You’re probably everyone’s #1 gal for a month. But on the flip: If you don’t read the teleprompter correctly and make up some words? Stumble over yourself? It likely results in some nasty viewer emails and maybe a meeting with a news director and not to mention, your journalistic integrity. If the dress is too tight, or too revealing or on the flip, too conservative? Well, that’s another set of emails and maybe a talking to. Live shot wasn’t active enough and you didn’t use a prop? There’s a phone call to your live location with a suggestion to “grab that trash bag behind you to show just how windy it is in that Nor’easter you’re standing in.”

Point is: I lived in a constant state of external validation. And now, I’m in a space of internal validation. What makes me feel successful as a Mom, as a wife, and as a version of myself that I’m proud to see in the mirror?

I wrote these down in a carousel post on Instagram this week and they resonated with so many, so I wanted to give them a permanent home here with a little elaboration. If you’re a new Mom, what would you add? And if you’re in a season of sitting back and reassessing your worth outside of a job, I hope you’ll come up with a list of your own. What are you unafraid to admit right now about yourself and how you view yourself? What are you actively working on inside your own head?

I’m a 32-year-old first time Mom and I’m not afraid to admit:

1) I did a complete 180 on the at-home-parent thing. I used to bash the idea of being a SAHM. I feel routinely guilty about this now because I expressed these views many times to many people. My view and my opinion on how I wanted to show up for my kid/future kids changed drastically when I got pregnant and especially after Teddy’s diagnosis.

At 18 weeks, my entire life shifted. I didn’t fully understand the extent of what we would be dealing with in terms of his health when he was born and I remember having a visceral shift in my body. This is what’s important — and this is what isn’t. Thankfully, Teddy is doing fantastically well and our “treatment plan” is simply monitoring. The hope is that his diagnosis is something he won’t deal with for a long time. But man, did it stop time in its tracks for us. I knew deep in my soul that I wanted to be the one who got him up in the morning, who rocked him to sleep at night. Those early mornings and late nights sitting on the anchor desk and looking at myself in the mirror were going to be no match for staring at his sweet, sleepy face. It’s the best choice I’ve ever made — but also the one I feel like I am the most hypocritical for — because I talked a big game about how I would be a “working Mom” my entire life. I wanted to “show my kids what it looks like to have a successful, career driven Mom.” I think this can still be true and I applaud anyone on this path right now. But to be clear, I think my definition of success fundamentally changed.

2) That’s not to say I don’t miss my career. I often feel nostalgic for that phase and my professional life and some days I crave it. But I am unwilling to hand my baby to someone else right now, and that feeling is winning out across the board. It’s a privilege and a gift to have that choice and I don’t take it lightly.

When we sat down and had the hard conversation about how I could go back to work given the options I had been given at my workplace, the choice wasn’t an easy one but it was certainly a simple one. Suffice it to say, the options weren’t great. There are days when I think about what could’ve happened had I gone back and completed this particular run. Would I feel successful? Or would I feel like I’d missed out on big moments at home? Would it have been worth it or would I have regretted it? Thankfully, I have no regrets on this end of it. And as everyone continues to say and I do believe it’s true… you’ll never regret having more time with your babies.

3) I’ve had an easier time being comfortable in my postpartum body than I thought I would. Two things really factor into this for me: 1) knowing the lengths I went through to carry a healthy pregnancy in my specific working conditions and 2) being absolutely in awe of myself and my body during the physical birth. I have a trust and assuredness in my body that I never had before.

Birth is freaking wild. Hypnobirthing and unmedicated birth (you can read our birth story here if you’re curious) was never something I thought I’d want to do. But something happened to me when I got pregnant, and the desire to be fully present — and yes, that means fully in the pain of it — was something I knew I wanted. Sounds nuts, I know. Even on the other side of it I recognize it sounds nuts. I vividly remember covering a story about a woman who had given birth to a 10+ pound baby when I was in Columbia, South Carolina. I interviewed her and I remember her telling me how “nothing compares to natural birth, there’s simply no other way to do it.” Um, absolutely not, I remember thinking. And I called my Mom that day and said “how could ANYONE choose not to have an epidural? Is she insane? And — here we are. Again, eating my own words. A reminder that judgment is always passed unfairly.

4) I thought the intrusive thoughts would go away after the newborn phase, but they haven’t. If anything, new ones pop up and come along more often than I’d like and I’m more fearful than I expected to be. Feeding, swimming, risky play. I am in a constant state of reminding myself he is safe, I am safe and I have to relinquish some control for him to grow. It’s a constant battle for me.

I am working on a personal essay about this that I hope to publish this week before I head on vacation. There have been a couple of headlines in the news lately that are just hitting this topic perfectly, so I’ll reserve my conversation on that for something coming your way this week.

5) Marriage is so beautiful when you enter parenthood together but it’s also really hard. Each person in that relationship is navigating their own growth in a parallel plane. Some days it feels really lonely and I’m learning I have to communicate it.

Phew this one. I never realized that new parenthood could feel so lonely. It’s crazy, because you have a whole other person to talk to and to interact with, and yet… you do feel this new distance from your partner even when things are “great.” You’re so focused on this new life you created together that your relationship inevitably takes a backseat. A lot of people talk about the ‘roommate phase’ of new parenthood and it’s so spot on. You’re co-parenting, co-existing, barely co-regulating. Your nerves in the initial phases of sleep are so fried and you’re just trying to survive. Communication can be clipped and jumpy. The love is there and it’s probably bigger and more profound than ever, but it’s just a new playing field.

6) I don’t get touched out, but I get cried/whined out. Especially in the middle of the night. There were nights around the 8 to 9 month mark when I questioned my sanity. My temper and my Mom rage felt overwhelming when I was woken up. That’s when having a great partner in life is so crucial.

Sleep regressions dominated my mental headspace for a hot minute. I wrote about it here. I actually remember banging my head against a wall one night because I just wanted the crying to stop. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there’s a reason sleep deprivation is a method of torture.

7) I am slowly unpacking my hustle mentality. It used to manifest in deadlines and live shots. When I popped out a baby, it became “how much can I accomplish during nap time.” I can count on one hand how many naps I’ve taken in Teddy’s first year of life. I didn’t sit down for years. Learning how to rest, slow down and be present is a sacred practice for me.

I am actively working on this right now and I don’t have a lot more to say on it other than — I am trying to learn how to turn my brain off. How to just exist in space without it having to be tidied. How to sit down and read a book instead of listening to an informational podcast while I clean out a closet. Just. Be.

8) I worry about raising a child with a Jewish identity in this world right now. I also worry I haven’t done enough to give him the right spiritual start.

We didn’t do a bris for Teddy and this is something I grapple with quite a bit. For additional context — my husband is not Jewish. We also had questions and unknowns surrounding the birth and we didn’t want to add any stress to that load by opting for a bris at home. We wanted to circumcise Teddy in a hospital setting, just based on how little we felt like we knew. In hindsight, I’d probably make this decision again, but I’d have done his naming quicker. We are planning to do his Hebrew naming around the time of his first birthday, and once we do that I think I’ll feel better about this. SO much more to unpack here.

9) I don’t know what comes next for me or when. I have a hard time imagining leaving the news industry completely — but I have a hard time seeing my place in a work environment that isn’t kind to families. And honestly, sometimes content creation feels performative coming from a background of never allowing the story to be about myself. I know I want to show up here in a way that doesn’t feel like “look at me,” but rather “come with me.” I feel very deeply when I don’t hit that mark.

You may have noticed I have been playing with my online presence the last couple months. From words, to Mom-related content, to just general life shares. And what I am feeling right now is this: I just want to share from my heart. I’m not going to say that “content creation isn’t for me” because anything can be content. But I think that content for the sake of content isn’t for me. Does that make sense? I want to share in a way that feels exactly like me, so I appreciate you following along while I figure it out.

What would your list look like? Sending you sunshine and a big internet hug for a beautiful week ahead.

XO-

Sam